A kind of payment
by Julye
Summary: At this point, he couldn't bring himself to care; and for once, it felt nice to be in pain. This, he preferred to consider as finally having total control over his survival matter, and now he was the proud owner of his life, once again. Him. Not her. Definitely not the one who had left with her beloved and now returned to his side with tear-stained face. Zeki. Dark one-shot.


If you ask me why, I can't answer. I wrote my first Zeki fanfic over 3 years ago and then dropped the series in the same year, along with my dedication over manga and related. Until now I still don't read manga, I'm not even a fangirl, and definitely not into this series anymore; yet I accidentally stumbled into some VK recent chapter summaries, and I was like, _'Oh my Lord, it's been over 3 years and 86 chapters and the girl still can't make up her damn mind. How is that even possible?_' This is even worse than Bella.

So here I am, attempting to write something – anything to release that little sarcasm bubbling up inside my mind.

Don't get me wrong, though. I was a Zeki fan, so no matter how screwed up the manga has been, I still love our silver-haired boy; and if he's that generous, I can't hold this grudge towards her for too long, can I?

**Warning:** Possible spoilers up to chap 86 but twisted to my own pleasure. Of course, if you are a fan of any other pairing that _goes against_ the right of this pairing, _taking your leave_ would be the best thing you could ever do to my life. Thank you so, so much.

And this is a dark one. Mention of **death** and stuff. _If you can't stand the thought, I'd very much prefer you not reading because I won't take responsibility for any of your mental damage._

**Disclaimer:** Long ago I read a VK fanfic called "Sleep" by the amazing Totally alone, and even until now it remains my most favorite VK story ever. I love it to no end. This writing is inspired by that one. I personally think it is the best way VK should end.

Other than that, **I own nothing** but my computer and my brain and my fingers.

* * *

**- A kind of payment -**

* * *

That fateful night, when he had fallen on cold floor in a pool of blood – his father's, his mother's, his own; he had already seen this moment coming.

The moment when he finally allowed his body to fall once again, bathing in his own blood and his alone – it finally came. He was even surprised that it had taken so long to occur; though realizing the only reason for such a delay, he simply sighed in frustration as images of dark brown hair and bright crimson eyes started to race endlessly in his head – throbbing yet still working, at least in a few more minutes.

It was almost ridiculous to find his current system being the sanest ever in his entire life with death breathing down at his neck; however the thought alone was nice, so he chose to blindly believe in it: blood was flowing out from his chest and neck as sickening waterfall, taking the crazed beast inside him along, giving him back the empty shell of humanity he had long lost – dissolving to ashes very soon, yet he couldn't bring himself to care as long as the shell returned to be his.

True, he had shot himself over and over again; and for once, _it felt nice to be in pain_.

This, he vaguely reminded himself, is not suicidal. He was not desperate nor deadlock; he was not running away and definitely not trying to escape his fate. This, he preferred to consider as finally having total control over his survival matter, and now he was the proud owner of his life. Once again.

Hunger seemed like a distant dream, so far away from his reach now; and never ever in his so-called life had the boy felt so happy to be left empty-handed like this. Just a few moments ago, the craving had been still so ferocious, so unbearable and overwhelming it had knocked him so hard with a realization that finally, finally the day had come - the day he was completely consumed by blood-thirst and insanity.

Somehow it amazed him at how he had put up with this struggle for over a year without feeding a single once, and even gone as far as _giving_ instead of taking – giving his blood to that person when she needed it badly, even as a temporary replacement for her king's precious blood. _Doesn't matter_. Deep, deep down inside, he thought, it was no more than paying a tiny little piece of his old debt, and in another way, urging this day to come faster.

And it did.

Look at how he ended up now, landing on the same ugly ground his younger twin had over a year ago, same old darkness embracing him with eagerness. The only difference now was that a company was no more; he was all alone, and he liked it this way: silence, peace, darkness, pain, pain, and pain.

Probably it was the bad thing being inhuman: no matter how you are killed, death would always come slowly and mockingly.

He supposed he didn't mind.

What bothered him the most, however, was a sudden loud, deafening sound of object crashing buzzing through his ears; and then many, many kinds of noises were following which his dulled mind could not entirely figure out; however it was apparently unnecessary as the next moment, the pain surging through his body seemed to escalate drastically in a whole new level as his head was lifted up and laid on another kind of surface – softer, warmer.

He vaguely acknowledged his own heavy gasps as more red flowing out from his mouth, pain stayed the same as he didn't believe it could get any worse than it already was.

His weary eyes cracked open half way – at least he tried to – and failed, yet it was enough for that to pass through his blurry vision and sneak into his head. _That_, being something so close to the shades of burning flames.

And then, it was as if rain started falling; though even in such a state, he was still no fool to not realize it was actually hot, wet tears that were spreading on his torn skin, mixing with his impure blood, stinging like hell.

Ah.

_Shit._

Of all people, it just had to be that person – the last one on Earth he wanted to be here, to see him like this.

_ God-damn-it._

Now his silence was completely ruined, his peace crumbled; even his supposedly dying mind started to twist so harshly before all the desperate sounds that person was making. He couldn't be sure, but it went straight to his mind without any further investigation that the girl was sobbing so hard his head started to ache with another kind of pain.

"_Zero… Zero... Zero…"_

Was it his name being called – no, screamed repeatedly?

Now he was starting to feel bad. He was supposed to help her find that person, yet the day came beyond any of his expectation – not that he was unhappy about this – no, he knew he had wished so badly for it to happen. Still, it's not like he could stop himself from feeling bad for not helping her; sometimes it just seemed so natural for him to stand by her side, to protect her it almost made him feel human despite being an unforgivable beast.

Those days, along with his hunger, were fading away from his consciousness already.

How funny things were. She had got back to the place that used to be theirs – yes, there even used to be a 'theirs', as unbelievable as it sounded. She had fought alongside him against her beloved man. She had chopped her long hair without hesitation for his sake – even if it wasn't, he liked the thought so damn much he refused to believe in anything else but. However, despite all those things, the girl could not even survive parting from that man – fully knowing it was the one who had destroyed his everything.

Knowing it was who he despised with every fiber of his heart and his soul.

'I belong with him', she had said so herself, and he found himself okay with that, just as he had always been years, years ago. Stepping aside. Watching her walk away.

Always, always.

This moment he couldn't bring himself to care. The man was probably going to destroy all of his kind or even the entire world but he didn't give a damn; as he knew for sure the princess would always remain unhurt – how convenient, isn't that what he always wished for - the safety of one person while the world could burn to hell for all he cared? This moment, he couldn't even remember why he had despised that man or any of the blood suckers that much. It all merely seemed like a bad dream to him - all of those people, and soon he would wake up, and none of them would ever exist in his world anymore.

None of them.

Her included.

He felt like smiling ironically inside. _No more her. No more pain_.

"_Zero. Please, please…"_

Why does she keep doing that? Seriously, he didn't get it. There was something so damn ironic in the way her tears kept falling and soaking his bloodied body that if he had been able to move, he would have definitely laughed aloud at it and then shoved her away from him.

From his life, and afterlife, and whatever that came afterwards.

Why won't she just leave him alone and go find her beloved on her own, just as she always wished for? He had no more to offer her – it's not like he ever had anything to offer her in the first place, then why the hell is she still here? Why is she still sobbing and screaming and hugging him closer and forcing his mouth to-

-op-

-en?

He felt like snapping his eyes open in horror when his dulled mind started to recognize the vague smell and taste of her blood – precious, precious blood all over his tongue. Truthfully he was unable to figure the flavor apart but his dying senses were telling him that the liquid was so thick it was as if she was pouring down all of hers into him until she was drained.

Which was the most stupid thing she had ever done; and he had never wished so badly to be able to scowl and glare and snap at her to stop and leave him alone like this moment. Couldn't she realize that it was futile, that it was impossible for him to continue existing like this?

He didn't remember himself trying so hard, so damn hard in his entire life like he was doing now: forcing his limp muscles and torn flesh to move a little, just once more, jerking his head away from the red liquid he used to crave for, leaning up – this, he tried his hardest even with his closed eyes and pain killing him over and over again – to get closer to the crook of her neck – or so he blindly assumed, whispering with broken syllables,

"Go…find your…king…"

It was supposed to be an apology for letting her see this ugly scene, for unwillingly getting in the way of her perfect love with her king, for breaking promises after promises, for…everything he had ever done to stain her perfect life.

Yet it turned out that way.

Bitterness.

The princess' increasingly hysterical sobs failed to register completely to his system as his head landed back on her laps a little too harshly it caused more blood to gush out from his body – at this point he would very likely be drained before his heart could actually shatter and his body could dissolve into ashes.

He frowned inwardly at this; shattered heart? When did he truly own a heart to have it shattered to begin with? He remember having one for so long ago, though this girl had come and crushed it to dust before leaving with her eternal lover.

Not that he blamed her.

"_Zero…Zero, I am so sorry, so sorry. Please, please forgive me. Just…don't talk to me with that tone, it hurts…Please forgive me and look at me, please…"_

_Not that he blamed her_, his mind automatically repeated silently with another frown. After all the times the girl had prided herself on understanding him without any mutual conversing, now she couldn't even read a single thing on his mind? It was about anything but forgiving – what is there to forgive? He thought forgiving was everything he had wished for when he had attacked her, repeatedly hurt her, almost taking everything from her, even her light? He thought he was the sinful one who arched to be forgiven yet in the end failed to even forgive himself?

Nothing really made sense to him anymore.

He couldn't think of it as betraying - what she did to him; there was absolutely no sense of possession here. It was merely a matter of _acceptance_, something that he could not give to her – he had lost it among everything else, including humanity and sanity and her. He could not accept her - unable to; not who she was, but what was left of her – which was never his to begin with. He does not take what people left out. He does not need her remains after all.

Hence he had nothing left.

He remembered the promise he had made to the girl who used to be his everything that he would let her kill him. Now that the girl had died – to him anyway, he suddenly came to a realization that he had actually lied. It was nothing bad really; he had practically drowned his life in deadly sins- breaking, hurting, killing – so lying to a dead person was definitely not the end of the world.

He ended it.

Now he was the only one who had the right to end his life. He could just pretend like the remains of that girl weren't here; or she wasn't sobbing so hard and hugging him even more tightly and forcing him to drink her blood – which was futile with his practically dead system inside out, thankfully, and burying her face into the bloodied mess of his once neck, and crying crying crying.

He winced. No. He felt like wincing.

_Did he really hurt her that much?_

But. Why?

He tried to force his mouth open again to utter some meaningless consolation, an apology, anythinganythinganything; yet blood was the only thing left in his possession he could offer. It doesn't make sense, this conflict!

_Liar. Liar. Liar._

Already he was losing all of his senses towards the crumbling world around him. This was everything he had longed for; so perfect, except the sorrowful princess at his side. Though he wouldn't be too much worried about that; she was a strong one, everyone wouldn't mind dying for her a thousand times, and she had an eternal lover to chase after. Actually she always had everything she needed; an ugly death of one monster would and should not be a slightest bother to her at all.

_She was a liar, she was dead, she no longer existed_.

His restless thoughts finally settled at that point, another lie. But it was all good. This way, he wouldn't have to feel too much guilty for not being able to walk alongside her until the end of this exhausting journey.

And then silence swallowed him. He vaguely registered her choking sobs of horror once more, he wasn't quite sure. It was as though someone just succeeded in ripping off his nose and ears from his body, and the world suddenly became a beautiful void of pure silence.

He had never thought there would be anything that could taste better than her blood – he still did not believe it, but he was seeing it anyway.

Death.

Totally irresistible.

"_Don't leave me, please. Zero, please stay with me. Zero. Zero. Zero…"_

Was it his name? He was not even sure. He couldn't remember who or what he was anymore. Strangely, her image stayed firmly in his cracking consciousness, and he highly doubt it would ever fade even if his sinful existence was wiped off into nothingness. It was the only thing that made sense in his entire life, though; and really, he wouldn't even bother denying the truth that he had been keeping all those years at this very moment.

Of course.

_He loved her, that's why._

Even if the world crumbled, or he ceased to exist, she – or her remains - would forever be the one and only thing in his soul.

He had nothing left in him to care anyway. Not even when Yuuki crushing her desperate lips on his bleeding ones was the last thing he was able to feel before everything shut down.

"_Zero!"_

He let the last piece of his mind slip away, bringing her tearful image into soundless world of white death.

"_Zero, please! I love you, I love you, I love you. Please, don't leave me!"_

Please.

.

.

.

This, is precisely the reason why she kept running – too much, too much terrified by such a nightmare which had just come true in the most unbelievable way.

_She kissed him and he didn't response._

_She kissed him and he didn't response._

_She kissed him and he didn't response._

She had told him a thousand times that she loved him, Zero, _her Zero_; but he did not look at her. He did not even want to look at her.

He had simply hurt her, with those four words, and left.

_Zero hurt her._

This was not her Zero – he did not belong to her anymore. He belonged to Death.

Finally, finally the lamenting princess understood how it felt to breathe with an unbearable self-loathing gripping at her throat; she hated herself now. No, that would be obviously the biggest understatement she had ever come up with. Yuuki despised the world and every single one in it, including her brother and her kinds and everything, but most of all, herself. The world without Zero, she despised it with such burning rage that she felt like she could tear it down with one hand and not feel a single trace of regret in her shattered heart.

Herself, without Zero, she was utterly disgusted with raw, raw hatred that she wished so badly to be torn into pieces over and over again.

What good was there being a princess, a queen, an immortal, without Zero?

_She kissed him and he didn't response._

_She kissed him and his colorless skin started to crack._

_She kissed him, and his body began to dissolve into white ashes._

Slipping off from her embrace like the cold breeze itself.

This, she let out a dry laughter while tears kept flooding her vision, was his punishment, for her. This must be _a kind of payment_ she had to take, and no matter how many lies that stood firmly between them, she could not – _would not_ utter a syllable of complaint for his dire cruelty; because, it was exactly what she had given him over a year ago. Walking away.

Even so, the broken princess refused to pay her debt this way – there must be some other way to pay him, to find him and bring him back to her soul, to let him shoot through her chest in a proper way. She was going to find a way no matter what it took.

She will keep trying, as long as she could pay her debt, to redeem herself for everything she had done to him. She blindly reached for his forgotten Bloody Rose. The thing had never looked more beautiful in her eyes.

What good was there being a princess, a queen, an immortal, without Zero?

Hang in there, Zero...

_'This kind of payment,'_ she breathed out her last choking sound, _'I am going to give you personally_._'_

So that you can finally forgive me.

* * *

She jerked her head up, cold sweat bathing her entire body. She gazed at familiar darkness, and then back at her bare, trembling hands.

_No white ashes..._

She tried to make some sort of a choking sound yet only silence came out. She must have done something, screaming perhaps, to cause such a damage to her throat this way.

She sat still like a frozen statue for what seemed like forever, and then in one swift movement, she leaped off her bed and out of her room with speed she had never thought she owned, blindly searching for a glimpse of silver hair and moonstone gaze.

_Things had never ever been so clear in her entire life.  
_

* * *

**_-fin-_  
**

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**A/N****:** So there. I killed them both in a way, as warned. No pain no gain; no death stuff no fluff.

Not that I hate them or want them dead, I simply think this is the nicest ending that could ever happen for this pairing. To me, I mean. Whatever.

I love them, I love Zero, I really really do. I wouldn't have been back to writing a fanfic if not for such a long-term affection. It's just that my sense of 'love' may be a little different from yours.

Thank you for taking this risk and reading it.

_**P/S**: I still don't see why you bothered to read and get all worked up over it if you can't take death at the very beginning. Seriously. And please, my dear, don't even give me the 'I love Zero and you killed him', because, if you truly love him and have never thought of his death, trust me, love isn't the right term. You don't even know what 'loving Zero' means, kiddos._


End file.
